Last week I ran another one of our occasional Coaches’ Exchanges - a small group of like minded coaches exchanging ideas and experiences on particular themes central to our coaching. And this session was focused on a key topic: how we protect our energy as coaches.
This strikes me as such an important, yet easily neglected issue. Too often coaches can end up feeling over-stretched, of being in a downward spiral of fatigue and questioning whether it is all worth the effort. Burn out lurks in the background like an unwelcome guest no on wants to acknowledge.
And how much more has our energy been tested in these uncertain, turbulent times of the pandemic. I know I have struggled at times with re-finding my energy to restart and reconnect, as if expected to turn it on from a switch.
Knowing & Valuing Our Energy
So what to do? Before anything I think we owe it to ourselves to guard against a presumption that we have to carry on, giving out and soldiering on when we feel weary and in need of a break. We start with self-compassion - after all, how can we be attentive to others’ needs and aspirations, their ups and downs if we’re not attentive to our own?
In our Exchange we also spent some time thinking about and sharing what the energy we bring to our coaching feels and looks like.
I suggested three key features:
an enthusiasm that I hope allows others to engage and share
a concentrated effort to focus on the people in front of me
a personal sense of wholeheartedness, of bringing who I am to how I connect with others, being true to myself and how I want to be at my best.
So when I think of energy it is not about rah-rah, hyped up activity - like whipped up froth on the surface - but a deeper, more connected and genuine presence to bring to my coaching.
In preparation for our Exchange I also gave some thought to the images that come to my mind - some captured here:
a natural ebb and flow of levels, whilst also being reassuringly constant
a stillness I find when at my peak
a sense of ripple effects, radiating out
and when energy drains away, the feeling of dross and untidy mess that’s left.
After our session one of the participants sent through these set of images. I’m struck by her choice and get from them
a sense of warmth, strength and positivity
of the nervous excitement of reaching into an unknown
and, most striking of all, the simple, self compassionate caption “dear self, stay strong.”
All this reaffirms to me that our energy, what we bring of ourselves to our coaching, is enormously precious and needs to be tended to, just as much if not more than our technical expertise and knowledge.
Nourishers and Drains
We spent some time in the Exchange sharing our experiences of what helps feed our energy and what saps it. Perhaps tellingly, it was the latter that took up the most space! Between us we had experience of coaching in both one to one set ups and coaching groups.
One participant, working predominantly one to one with private clients, relayed his mixed feelings triggered by a former client who had recently approached him to start up again. Previously he felt drained by giving out without his athlete really engaging - as if they gave greater importance to the kudos of having a coach than to actually trying out and committing to what he suggested. Conversations would drag on as he tried to counter rather mis-informed ideas she’d picked up and explain the benefits to be had following through on his suggestions. Did he now have the energy to take her on again?
Talking it through, the importance of resetting the boundaries of how they might work together this time became clear. And just by recounting the story to us in the Exchange he wondered whether actually there was something rather nourishing and to be celebrated in the fact that she came back for further support.
Another participant shared her experience of coaching groups that come together for intensive training camps. “There’s always one or two in a group”: they’ll question everything, hold back from fully engaging and need everything repeated for their benefit. We could sense her feeling of weariness, made more draining by the element of anticipation - that she expects there to be some who initially resist and inevitably soak up extra attention.
Yet her response, very firmly, was all about patience: to keep making the time. I admired her strong professional integrity - in her words, “I’ve just got to give them the time.” I also wondered whether there is also an element of holding on to our sense of self-worth as coaches - especially in those very moments when it feels our value as coaches is being questioned or undermined.
One final thought comes from my own experience. I wrote in a recent blog post about the feeling of disaffection and thinking “why should I bother any more” that contributed to me stepping back from a Head Coach role a few years ago – a hollowed-out sense of too many egos and competing agendas and being weary of a lack of support from others in positions to do so much better. Not great.
Talking this through in our Exchange, two thoughts stand out for me: how to ensure and cultivate a common shared purpose to energise and sustain ourselves when we are “out there”; and being discerning about the people around us and our network of supporters, to whom - with heartfelt gratitude - we now turn.
Who sustains us?
For the last part of our conversation I drew on the slide shown here - the headings taken from a good friend and super coach, Kate Offord.
How uplifting it can be when others praise us or big us up. The ”yes you can! ” encouragement. Listen to them. And go the Cheerleaders!
The idea of Champions points me to those people who, maybe with less fanfare, open doors and make things happen. Big thanks to you!
And Kate also highlighted for me the value of those who know us well enough to challenge us. A Challenger might be the one who gives us that vital “just get on with it” shove when we’re hesitant or unsure of ourselves. Equally they will be the ones who questions us about being overloaded and needing to pull back. An eye on protecting our energy. Worth their weight in gold.
Of course there are many other ways we can think of the people around us and how they energise us . One of the participants mentioned how he benefits from role models, mentors, allies… and highlighted in particular the value he gets from listeners.
And however we choose to think of them, I know for me the key is to have an openness to being supported - to acknowledge that I don’t have to rely solely on my own energy.
Big thanks to the participants in our Coaches’ Exchange for all their openness in sharing experiences, ideas and images - certainly helped me find a new, deeper energy.
As always please leave any reflections and thoughts in the Comments box below.