this post was mainly written just before the coronavirus shutdown - now amended in the light of developments

Where do coaches go to learn and deepen their practice?

One obvious place - in more normal times - is workshops and conferences, such as my own Twilight Workshops (the next one, originally scheduled for May now postponed to the Autumn). I really enjoy and get a lot out of these opportunities to consider new ideas and perspectives as well as to share and learn from others.

Another place - better suited to these socially restricted times - can be reaching for the bookshelves (or online resources). One coach I qualified with would read a book or article every week and then provide his athletes with a summary. Not quite as well organised, I certainly like to read widely – not just about sports coaching but other fields that have parallels or insightful takes. I’m currently working my way through various books on resilience in young people, how to look at modern art afresh and peoples’ connections with nature, amongst others.

Most challenging and exhilarating of all, though hard to see happening for a while, is to take oneself off to somewhere special and learn a new skill or to reach further than you might think possible. This post looks back on one such journey just two weeks ago and another, since cancelled that would have been this week, each with their own set of lessons.

First we head deep into the mountains of central Norway.

Jotunheimen National Park for a Recap in Mindsets and Humility

And there to greet me, as I wobbled around on narrow cross-country skis, snow falling on a gently sloping hillside, overlooked by towering grey mountains, was Carol Dweck (well, at least if not in person certainly in mind).

I’m a big fan of Carol Dweck’s notion of fixed and growth mindsets. In summary, it’s all about the assumptions we make about our abilities and, consequently, how we approach challenges. Those with fixed mindsets, maybe told that they’re a “natural” or have a particular talent or gift, typically start out with an assured self-confidence – but when things go wrong are likely to feel demoralised and left wondering where the gift has gone. Challenges become a black or white, success or fail test and inevitably put them off trying. In contrast, Carol Dweck identified those with a growth mindset as far more likely to be animated by challenges, seeing them as learning opportunities and a chance to try something new, worth attempting for the experience rather than any guaranteed success. Concentrated effort and focus, together with a more relaxed, less black and white attitude to failure seem to be the hallmarks of a growth mindset.

Over the last few years I’ve been lucky enough to go to Finland three times to try cross-country skiing, a week at a time. The first time I was constantly falling down, getting all uptight and ranting at myself – “why isn’t this happening”, “I’m no good, I’m too old... I can’t do this” – before eventually coming round to a kinder, Carol Dweck inspired view that this was something very new to learn, requiring a patient persistence. On the last trip, two years ago, it really started coming together – the fluency of movement, a relaxed easiness of effort, even beginning to master the art of braking (quite an advantage on hilly terrain).

On to the first morning in the mountains of central Norway, I told myself I’d start with the beginners’ group just for a short refresher and then should be ready to glide off into more challenging terrain. Oh dear! – down I go within the first few minutes. And again. And again. My ability to stay upright, let alone brake deserted me. I was getting lots of practice in how to get up but not much else. I could feel myself tensing up, holding myself rigid ready for the next fall and feeling less and less in control. I caught myself comparing myself to others in our beginners’ class – “they’re naturals… why can’t I do it?”

Now, had Carol Dweck really been there I think she would have said something very similar to what I say to clients, trying to master something new. And “have you forgotten your growth mindset, Mike?” All in all, it was quite a bruising lesson in humility; in how deeply ingrained the fixed mindset instincts are; what a destructive downward path we can take ourselves on; and how hard, in the wobbling, uncertain moments, it is to shift to a kinder, more patient “I can’t do this… yet.”

Stillness and Wonder

Over the next few days we fitted in a little more skiing, a little less falling down and some extraordinary snowshoeing treks and other expeditions.

Here was another personal lesson for me - in stillness and wonder that I’ve been reflecting on since we got back.

On the first snowshoeing trek a small group of us were taken by our guide high up, through the pine forests and then above the tree line - stunning views of the mountains and valley below, sculptures in ice and snow all around. I found that somehow, without any conscious effort or consideration, the previous day’s frustrations fell away and I felt a calmness coming from the sense of awe.

Since then I’ve been thinking about that sense of stillness and calm that I experienced - and the connection between finding stillness and being in a place of wonder. Perhaps the double meaning of the word holds a secret for us: that in order to feel wonder, as in the emotions of being captivated by the beauty or grandeur of what is before us, one needs an element of wondering, of curiosity and inquisitiveness, that ability to pause, look more deeply and take in.

There’s a super book by Norwegian explorer Erling Kagge, called Silence, where he talks about how our lives can be cluttered and full of noise. Our attention spans are shorter than that of a goldfish (not that anyone can really measure theirs) and we’ll say we’re bored if nothing is happening to distract us or grab our attention. Erling Kragge talks about the calm stillness he finds in nature - and seeks out in day to day life as if to give space to be at ease with himself.

“the most interesting silence is the one that lies within. A silence which each of us must create. I no longer try to create absolute silence around me. The silence that I am after is the silence within.”

— from Silence in the Age of Noise by Erling Kagge

I believe that its possible to experience stillness and wonder in the most full-on, high energy moments of practising our sports. This is what some would call being in the flow state, where time seems to stand still and we are utterly focused on the moment. In the Workshops with coaches we explore how to nurture this and help attune our athletes to the focus and feelings. Self-belief and confidence naturally follow.

And in these unsettling times of self-isolation and social distancing, maybe we’ll all find ourselves needing to grapple with what we’ll tell ourselves is boredom but is actually an opening to being still and in wonder.

Finally, on to Mallorca - or rather, not as the trip was cancelled last minute.

Mallorca on my Mind

Even in the midst of the most spectacular wintery scenery in Norway, my mind would turn to an imminent trip to Mallorca. One of my clients who is preparing to swim the Channel this June and I were booked in to a Swim Trek Long Distance Swim Camp – primarily so he could get his 6 hour cold water qualifier certificate to go ahead with the big swim. The plan was that I’d come along to learn all about how to support him best, to get on top of all the practical stuff around his nutrition, what to expect, how to respond, how to finesse the final block of training for him and so on.

As it happened, I had also been challenged by one of the Swim Camp’s coaches to do the 6 hour qualifier, too, to put myself in the same place as my client. How can I coach him for the dark place he’ll enter, as she unnervingly called it, if I’ve not experienced it myself?

I have to say I don’t fully agree with that way of thinking but I upped my training to prepare. And I’ve been keeping a journal to capture my mix of emotions: sometimes, as fatigue took hold, noting a nervous and self-defeating talking myself down or “why bother…I don’t need to prove this”; and other times much more of a growth mindset, inquisitive excitement to see just what I could do.

Back to Norway and as my partner Anne and I slowly made our way up one of the highest mountains, trudging our way in snowshoes, each step an effort in the fresh, deep snow, head down into the biting wind, aiming for the next marker further ahead, I told myself to hang on to the memory and take it with me for the long swim in Mallorca. One step at a time. On and on, keep going to the next point in the distance and then the one beyond.

We won’t know how it might have worked in the cold water, surrounded by jelly fish and ever deepening fatigue - all of which will have to wait for another day. Some challenges just have to be taken in their own time and there’s an obvious lesson in priorities for healthy living.

For those stuck at home in self-isolation and looking for some recommended reading I’ve listed below a few of the books I’ve found have an extra richness. As always, please use the Comments box to add your own thoughts and reflections - and book recommendations. And if you haven’t done so already, sign up for free to be a Member of Confidence Centred Coaching and you can access the past Journals full of extraordinary stories of journeys in confidence.

In the meantime big thanks to our wonderful guides and patient instructors, Lot and Louisa and everyone else who made us feel so welcome and cared for at the Hindsæter Hotel. It was brilliant!